I first got ontu the internet when I was 7 or 10. I mostly played flash games on Cartoon network, vividly I remember that one Courage The Cowardly dog,
Possibly Defunkt-online game that was still up?
I remember sucking up the air with a vacuum and being lost in this huge dirt pain as the titular dog. It was like yume Nikki but more fucking boring. fan-game websites hosting nintendo games made in flash.
I thought they were bootlegs when I was little but now looking at it they could have been just that reason being I don't remember them having ad's.
I used to watch Ashens review "tat" A word I discovered through that guy, and to me as a child that website felt "Tatty" to me,
when Now I look at it, it's independant.
I think there where other websites like it, something amoung the lines of, "free-arcade-games.com" "link-games.com" or something. I mainly went on the mario one.
Later when I was 12 I hopped ontu youtube, I did go ontu youtube earlier but that was occasional.
This was around 2014 I belive? somewhere around the legendary 2016 Presidential Election.
I gotten into watching markplier specifficly with some other LP'rs as well you could probably guess, no shot.
I remember wathcing his Beta Subnautica Let's play, Beta as in Beta stage. That was wierd, but anyway, Later I watched A video of him playing this VR
game that stood out from the rest of the earlier oculus rift games that were out around that time.
I remember him doing his usual intro schlock, then he game started in this urban american
nieghbor hood setting at night
where his goal was right on his hand, A poloroid of a house with the front door open. He walks down this amber lit sidwalk,
For maybe 3 minutes when he finnaly see's the house. I don't remember much when He walked in, however I remember when he walked into the dining room.
The room itself was small, a humble, Jym floor colored table sits in front of a painting.
I used to remember what it was, But most likely it was a depection of hell, of the classical kind.
Then Markiplier Looks to his side and see's a devil at waist Height, he said,
"Oh hello little buddy! what do you think of that painting over there-" He looks and the painting and looks back over to the devil, only for him to not be ther. "oh okay your gone, Where do you? ohhhkayy thats not goodie good"
Or something
amoung those lines. I swear I have Been Looking for this Video For years And I can't Find it. I know he has taken down A few of his video's before, either because just for the meme, or Because of gore,
But I don't remember this video ever Having anything like that, It was just
like any other video He made and People would forget in a week or two. But, Something about it haunted me for a long time. I wish I can find it, but I guess maybe If I did Some curse would reign opon me
or maybe I unlock some horryfying memmory within the stained walls of my brain.
I remember I posted something on one of these servers where I asked if anyone wanted some free art I they could come to me.
This was an immediate mistake, There was this one guy who Dm'd me, and asked I could draw him something, I said yeah sure thinking it really wouldn't be a big deal. Then he shows me these images, in sequence,
of a doctor removing a heart out of a paitent and making a burger out of it, And feeding it to this guys character he made.. Christ it was so uncomfortable. Told him to fuck off Last thing he said to me is, "Draw her
slicing her throat." Then I blocked him.
I Still think about it from time to time, it was bizzare. Someone having this wierd cannibal fetish, specifically with preparing the meal. It's disgusting. And being so descriptive of it to,
it wasn't doing the meme of, "know draw her XYZ" he was very legitimate on what he was asking which only made it more fucked up to me. Someone being that sick in the head that the only thing that gets them turned on is a cadaver.
Remember callmecarson? He was very big around 2018-2021 for his lame minecraft shit.
It wasn't about the games he was playing necessarily but the interactions with other streamers.
I remember having fun watching him on his Minecraft server he would host and for other people to make content off of, and really that's all it was just low-drive funny stuff. Which is fine but now im really tired of the same joke just said with a different face. Even down to the editing it was same to a T.
I gotten very used to watching him as apart of my routine, I get up for live class in the grueling hours of the morning, Eat breakfast do my school work have my last class at 3 PM and just crash and watch CallMeCarson for the night.
I guess it really don't matter now but I would get a off feeling sometimes, he had a creep factor no doubt.
I never really remembered much good from this time, Watching hours and hours of what is effectivley the same thing over and over, Same hook being a small clip of what you actually wan't to see (the funnies) then it goes straight into the video then around the 10 minute mark you get the funny clip. Youtube already has a fantastic implementation of the skinner box into it, Being the reason why is because of not only there fine tuned AI algorithm but also the fact there also encouraging creators to do the same thing, From people trying to Get up to established Youtubers.
They all have one thing in common and that is trying to make an audience stick and that means either becoming a parasocial-bait-social-engineering-cult-leader YouTuber or A youtuber that destroys your attention span.
Or you prey on desperate young adults who are completely lost and want to fit in. But thats a whole other topic I would have to explore to really collect my thoughts accuratly, I hate to seem cynical because I do love youtube alot and what it means for people. I still love hearing people thoughts on the world and there interactions with it, Its just getting harder and harder to find excuses to go on it now. atleast to me.
Once the Allegations came out about him being a pedophile came out, I remember Just feeling this shitty feeling like, "oh wait I gave this guy ad revenue and contrabuted to this" Which Is why I use Invidious now With Proxy video's enables but anyway. disictnly I had this moment of realization of how all of these guys are so in there own head of fame and who they associate to, Like once all these guys built this perfect circle of "friends" to make content off from each other everything was good until one of them did something scummy and they all disbanded.
I realized that they were shallow just as the celebrities on TV, And that's what they are anyway just celebrities, but the problem was they tried to come off as genuine but there not. Maybe it was obvious to more level headed people but to me at the time it was miserable. That And how Ambigous the whole of it was, Everyone never gave a clear answer to what happend or whether or not he wanted to meet up with an underage fan or not like most people were riding on about, Which By the way, 17 and 19 year old age gap isn't big, My mother and father had a looser age gap when they first met. It's what set me off was that the control that these people had over it. And maybe if miniorb was groomed like she said, She would just have gotten the police involved rather than just go to twitter instead. I don't know, It's so touchy. I realized how alot of this gets muddled down into sides and distorting information or exacerbating it. Im just tired of feeling like I can't even trust people I don't know. I hate being manipulated and controlled.